If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
