I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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