ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
