But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
