At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
