Only a mothe r could love this liver
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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