Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
