Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
