Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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