You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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