You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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