it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
