I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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