when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
