i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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