never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i will never coherently bang her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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