i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
