Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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