The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
