He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
