I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
