look no pants
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
