Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
