ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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