I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
