hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
