we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
