You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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