Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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