he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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