Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
