If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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