do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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