do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
