My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
