I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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