Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
