I saw his package. It spoke to me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
