i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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