i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
