Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
