apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
