woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Houston, we have a blender
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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