You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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