Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
