is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
