She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
