I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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