Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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