Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
