you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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